It’s totally normal for kids to have occasional, short-lived fears and worries as they grow up. Everyone, no matter their age, worries from time to time. It’s when those worries are much bigger and more frequently seen in a child that we need to pay closer attention to, because there are signs that those worries may in fact be anxiety.

Sometimes, anxiety can become persistent and overwhelming, making it hard for a child to function in their everyday life. The silver lining is that there are ways to help your child reduce anxiety and cope with worries whenever they arise.

Why Worry is Necessary

It may seem silly to think worry is necessary at first, but it’s true. Experiencing worry/concern is actually important because it helps us recognize and react to potential danger. Plus, it can motivate us to take action in getting things done. 

For example, your child/teen may be worried about passing a big test at school, or you may be concerned about meeting a deadline at work. These worries can lead to helpful behaviours, actions, and habits so you and your child reach your goal without a hitch, such as studying before the big test or taking a deep breath while at work.

Some kids might be worried when they’re away from their parents or primary caregivers. Others might be scared of the dark, storms, animals, or even strangers. These are also normal forms of worry. It’s when these worries are intensified to the point where they impact you or your child’s daily life when it’s time to consider there’s something else going on.

Signs of Anxiety in Children to Consider

Kids and teens might worry about similar things as adults, but they often have extra concerns about things like:

• Doing well in school or sports 
• Social situations, such as fitting in 
• Safety 
• Being punctual 
• Their future 
• Natural disasters or other scary events

Some clear signs of serious anxiety may include: 

• Exhaustion
• Changes in sleep patterns (too much/too little)
• Irritability 
• Increased frustration
• Poor concentration 
• Poor confidence 
• Constantly needing reassurance 
• Avoiding situations 
• A drastic drop in grades at school

The most common physical symptoms seen in kids and teens dealing with significant anxiety are stomachaches and headaches. They might also feel their heart racing, breathe fast, be restless or jittery, tremble or feel twitchy, experience dizziness, diarrhea, nausea, and tightness or pain in the chest.

For many kids, anxiety can develop as a paired association, meaning their anxious feelings get linked to something that usually wouldn’t cause anxiety, like a situation, event, or object. For example, let’s say a child at school has a panic attack for the first time; they feel a sudden wave of intense anxiety or fear, which is often accompanied with a strong physical response, such as a racing heart, rapid breathing, or the feeling of losing control. Maybe on that day, the child was stressed about a big presentation, but after the panic attack, their brain starts to associate school with that moment. So, whenever the child goes to school or even thinks about going there, their brain perceives it as a dangerous situation.

Tips for Reducing Anxiety in Children

Don’t Label Emotions as “Bad”

Try not to categorize your children’s thoughts, feelings, and experiences as either good or bad. For example, saying, “It’s bad to think you’ll fail,” can lead them to internalize the idea that their thoughts are wrong and that they’re bad people for thinking those thoughts.

Don’t Downplay Their Anxiety

Refrain from dismissing your children’s feelings by telling them to “Just do it” or “Suck it up”. Their anxiety is genuine and they already know they’re going through a tough time. While it’s important to face anxiety-inducing situations rather than avoid them, responding to your child’s anxious thoughts with empathy, compassion, and kindness is far more beneficial because it will help them feel more confident.

Do Recognize Triggers

A great starting point is for both you and your kids to be aware of what specifically makes them feel anxious. Once you pinpoint those triggers, you can start using the suggestions listed below.

Do Validate and Show Empathy

What your kids think, feel, and experience is very real to them. Regardless of your own feelings about their situations, it’s crucial for your kids to feel acknowledged, validated, and understood. Put yourself in their position, empathize with them, and affirm that their thoughts and feelings are significant and valid.

Do Question Unhelpful Thoughts

Encourage your kids to share the negative thoughts that are bothering them, like “I’m going to fail my test and then fail my class.” Once you understand what they’re telling themselves, you can help them find more constructive and realistic thoughts. Ask them questions that prompt them to reconsider their situation and lessen their belief in those negative thoughts, such as “Have you ever failed a test or class before?” or “What strategies have you used in the past to succeed on a test? Are you applying those now?”

These questions help kids evaluate the evidence and reach their own conclusions. Realizing things for themselves is far more impactful than parents or teachers simply telling them they won’t fail. 

After challenging their negative thoughts, motivate them to create more grounded thoughts, like “Even though I feel like I might fail, I’ve studied for this test and will do my best,” or “If I do fail this test, it doesn’t mean I’ll fail the class.” Overly optimistic thoughts, like “I’m definitely going to ace this and do great,” aren’t necessary and usually aren’t helpful, as most kids don’t really believe in those unrealistic ideas.

Do Help Your Child Identify Their Emotions

Ask your child how their feelings feel in their mind and body. When they open up, make sure to validate their emotions. It might seem easier to brush the feelings off or try to ‘fix’ their concerns; that’s probably because you want to comfort them. However, it’s a better strategy to help them feel they’re being heard and understood. This can really help them unwind. 

For a younger child, you could sketch a stick figure and ask them to add drawings that represent their anxiety. A teenager might prefer to create a mind map, placing ‘anxiety’ in the center and writing down words around it that capture their feelings best.

Do Practice Calming Strategies

During a peaceful moment, encourage your child to write down a list of activities that lift their spirits and make them feel calm.

Here are a few examples of what these calming strategies may look like:

• Exercising or taking a walk 
• Using a fidget toy
• Playing with or cuddling a pet
• Creating something like a puzzle or LEGO
• Drawing or painting 
• Journaling 
• Watching a favourite movie
• Chatting with friends 
• Cooking or baking

Do Help Them Challenge Thoughts by Looking at the Facts

Sometimes, it’s beneficial to discuss what might happen if a child’s fear actually happened; ask them, how would they cope? For some kids, having a plan can help ease their uncertainty in a healthy and effective manner.

For example, a child who’s anxious about being separated from their parents might fret about what would happen if a parent didn’t arrive to pick them up after school. So, look into that situation together. The conversation might look something like this: 

“If I don’t arrive after basketball practice, what would you do?” 

“I would let the coach know my parents aren’t here.” 

“And what do you think your coach would do?”

“Either call my parents or hang out with me.”

Do Try Roleplay

If your kids are anxious about certain situations, role-play those scenarios to help them get ready. Examples could be ordering food at a restaurant, buying a movie ticket, asking a teacher for help, or inviting friends over.

How to Know When You Need Further Support

Keep in mind, you and your child are not on this journey of reducing anxiety alone. Helping an anxious child is a process that requires patience, understanding, and a few proactive strategies. By spotting the signs of anxiety, looking into its different forms, and using open communication and coping techniques, parents can help their kids as they face their fears. 

If your child is having an especially tough time with anxiety or any other similar issues, reach out to your family doctor, chat with school counsellors, or get professional help from Supportive Steps. We offer therapeutic approaches such as (but not limited to) self-regulation, play therapy, mindfulness, CBT, and sand tray therapy.

Need some help and support for your child? I’m available for initial consultations. Book a free 15-minute consultation here today.